What really ends marriages in South Africa, and what protects them

We started VictusWellness because we believe relationships are worth looking after. These are the numbers that made that feel urgent.

The South African numbers

• 24,202 divorces were finalised in 2024, up 8.9% from 22,230 in 2023 (Stats SA, Marriages and Divorces 2024).
• 41.7% of those divorces, about 4 in 10, ended marriages that had lasted less than 10 years.
• 57% of divorces were filed by women.
• In 2022, 55% of divorces involved children under 18, affecting 18,850 children in one year (Stats SA, Marriages and Divorces 2022).

Behind every one of those numbers is a family that hoped things would turn out differently.

What people say ended their marriage

A US study asked divorced people who had been through a relationship programme what led to their divorce. The most common reasons were:

• Lack of commitment: 75%
• Infidelity: 60%
• Too much conflict and arguing: 58%
• Getting married too young: 45%
• Financial problems: 37%

Most people named more than one reason, and many described a slow erosion: growing apart, feeling taken for granted, stopping trying. Affairs often came after that distance had already set in, not before it.

What protects couples

The encouraging part is that the things that protect relationships are small and learnable.

Turning toward each other

In the Gottman Institute's research, couples still married after six years had responded to each other's small bids for attention 86% of the time. Couples who divorced had done so only 33% of the time. Read more about bids.

More positive than negative

Stable couples have roughly five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict. Appreciation, humour and affection act as a buffer when things get tense.

Talking honestly, including about sex

Couples who communicate openly about their sex life report higher satisfaction with both their sex life and their relationship. Here's how to start that talk.

Making time on purpose

Commitment isn't only a promise; it's a habit. A daily 10-minute check-in and one protected evening a week keep you choosing each other.

Getting help early

Most couples wait years before seeing a counsellor. Going early, while you still like each other, makes it far easier. FAMSA (Families South Africa) offers relationship counselling across the country.

Sources: Statistics South Africa, Marriages and Divorces 2024 and 2022; Scott, Rhoades, Stanley, Allen and Markman (2013), "Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention", Couple and Family Psychology; The Gottman Institute; Mallory et al. (2019), The Journal of Sex Research.